Last night was beautiful. Cora slept (or at least was quiet) from 6 PM to 7 AM. I had a good night's sleep, waking only once at 3 AM out of habit. Woke again at 5 AM feeling much better than yesterday--head still clogged up but no fever. Promptly over-did it, fixing breakfast and sitting up at computer for several hours, fever returned and stayed, and boom, flat on my back the rest of the day. Thank The Lord that my mom came to help out today.
Again, food not much of an issue. Tom Yum and tea most of the day.
15) The awakenings of a new humility brought on by this long illness--help me continue to cling to you Lord after the mucous finally subsides.
16) Job. From the Bible. Yep, I actually read 10 chapters of Job today. Hadn't touched it since Senior English. See Blessing #1.
17) a GORGEOUS day, fit for kids to romp outside with Bobbo, sunning the germy blankets and couch cushions and sunning myself for a bit.
18) Tom Yum and a sweet friend who brought it. And a sweet husband who brought more soup, just in case. It's a Thai soup--best for burning out cold/flu germies.
19) A good night's sleep last night.
20) My lovely mother.
21) the cool sweet breeze drifting in in the dark as I settle on the couch.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
4/13/11
I'm not listing today's food, because I am sick, and I know I didn't eat too much (eating was not enjoyable today), and all I want to do is list what I'm thankful and then lie back on the couch and hopefully drift into peaceful oblivion.
8) A 5-year-old who delights in delighting me with a surprise (he fed the cat without being asked!)
9) VeggieTales buying a pleasant evening of couch time with same 5-year-old
10) blooming tulips
11) husband who canceled a class and other school obligations to stay home with the kids when I burst into tears of desperation this morning
12) decongestants and ibuprofen
13) this dang flu, that's forcing me to confront my complaining grumbling (slave of Egypt) heart and lean on my Savior
14) generosity and grace from unexpected quarters
James 1:something...Blessed is he remains steadfast under trials, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of righteousness which God has promised to those who love him.
8) A 5-year-old who delights in delighting me with a surprise (he fed the cat without being asked!)
9) VeggieTales buying a pleasant evening of couch time with same 5-year-old
10) blooming tulips
11) husband who canceled a class and other school obligations to stay home with the kids when I burst into tears of desperation this morning
12) decongestants and ibuprofen
13) this dang flu, that's forcing me to confront my complaining grumbling (slave of Egypt) heart and lean on my Savior
14) generosity and grace from unexpected quarters
James 1:something...Blessed is he remains steadfast under trials, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of righteousness which God has promised to those who love him.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
4/12/11
Sick with a nasty cold, so food was pretty simple today. Not much of a struggle to not eat when the tummy is already full of gunk. Eww.
Breakfast: leftover stew (with tabasco), half a pancake
Snack: a couple of random bites of pancake Cora didn't finish
Lunch: chicken salad on green salad with hot mustard and tabasco
Snack: nada
Dinner: chicken thigh, potato salad, Challah bread that Isaac made!
Snack: nope
Going to bed now and hoping Cora will sleep to 3 AM like she did last night (when I was up til midnight doing taxes, argh!)
Breakfast: leftover stew (with tabasco), half a pancake
Snack: a couple of random bites of pancake Cora didn't finish
Lunch: chicken salad on green salad with hot mustard and tabasco
Snack: nada
Dinner: chicken thigh, potato salad, Challah bread that Isaac made!
Snack: nope
Going to bed now and hoping Cora will sleep to 3 AM like she did last night (when I was up til midnight doing taxes, argh!)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Aha! 4/11/11 balanced
Okay, part of my trouble (see past week) is that I start flailing in my motivation and purpose without the "water wings" of repeated visiting of key passages in books. The Bible is a help, of course, but I still get more out of the Bible and myself when I read books about the Bible. Something to work on. And, I lent my copy (well, actually my sister's copy--hi, Julie!) of Made to Crave to a friend, and I'm kind of wishing I could go back to certain chapters to go through the, "Now WHY am I doing this, again?"
But. This very timely post arrived in my inbox this evening after a hard day, and I understand that I have left out an important piece. And Lysa even went over this now that I think about it...giving thanks! I have not been thankful for this struggle, but I could and should. And giving thanks for all the easier-to-be-thankful-for stuff in my life would balance out the drudgery of turning away from the White Cabinet empty-handed tens of times a day.
So here goes. In addition to my list of the day's food intake, I'm going to start counting my blessings. Local friends, I do not like the hymn, so please don't sing it at me. :)
1. cool evening breezes through wide open windows after a very warm spring day
2. blowing bubbles for the baby for the first time - she made astonishing developments in her *consternated* look
3. a sick day during spring break - no teaching!
4. a rock of a hard-workin' husband - home for a minute between work obligations with a hug and a smile
5. missing and not missing the 5-year-old while he's at the grandparents' house
6. hot sauce
7. our first-ever tulips in full flush bloom
But. This very timely post arrived in my inbox this evening after a hard day, and I understand that I have left out an important piece. And Lysa even went over this now that I think about it...giving thanks! I have not been thankful for this struggle, but I could and should. And giving thanks for all the easier-to-be-thankful-for stuff in my life would balance out the drudgery of turning away from the White Cabinet empty-handed tens of times a day.
So here goes. In addition to my list of the day's food intake, I'm going to start counting my blessings. Local friends, I do not like the hymn, so please don't sing it at me. :)
1. cool evening breezes through wide open windows after a very warm spring day
2. blowing bubbles for the baby for the first time - she made astonishing developments in her *consternated* look
3. a sick day during spring break - no teaching!
4. a rock of a hard-workin' husband - home for a minute between work obligations with a hug and a smile
5. missing and not missing the 5-year-old while he's at the grandparents' house
6. hot sauce
7. our first-ever tulips in full flush bloom
4/9/11 to 4/11/11
Y'all, I'm having a really hard time right now. Cora woke up a bunch night before last, so even though I went to bed early, I didn't feel rested. She slept better last night, but I had a fever and stuffy head most of the night and couldn't sleep. And my fuse is un-Godly short. And I feel entitled to eat whatever I want. I'm fighting, but I feel weak. Plus, with Isaac gone, instead of feeling relaxed with the fact that part of my burden is lifted, I feel panicked to get everything done TODAY. Taxes, organizing clothing (winter to spring), updating website, an urgent sewing project. It's just not a good space to be in. And I'm behind on my blog. Here's what I can remember of the past couple of days. It is not all-inclusive.
Anyway, thanks for the cheering comments. I am "devouring" them more than anything today.
4-9-11
Breakfast: 1 egg and ?
Lunch: one slice homemade pizza, small salad
Dinner: big dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Went to bed early (7:30?) to escape the 'fridge' because I just wanted to eat more when we got home. Dumb.
4/10/11
Breakfast: plain yogurt with nuts and raisins, ginger
Lunch: Irish "banger and mash" with some sauerkraut
Snack: orange, a handful of pecans
Dinner: freezer dinner of Pad Thai, baked sweet potato
Snack: small bowl of cereal
4/11/11
Breakfast: plain yogurt with nuts, raisins, apple, ginger and 1 fried egg
Snack: homemade blackberry pancake
Lunch: tostada w/ lentil-veggie topping. Walnuts and raisins. I did not need the walnuts and raisins. I have stopped. I have also not gone to the cabinet to stick my hand in the cracker or cereal box like I very much want to. Snack in 3 hours...
Snack: handful of crackers and peanuts, a couple of bites of apple
Dinner: last of the turkey meatballs with veggies and rice, mashed potatoes
Anyway, thanks for the cheering comments. I am "devouring" them more than anything today.
4-9-11
Breakfast: 1 egg and ?
Lunch: one slice homemade pizza, small salad
Dinner: big dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Went to bed early (7:30?) to escape the 'fridge' because I just wanted to eat more when we got home. Dumb.
4/10/11
Breakfast: plain yogurt with nuts and raisins, ginger
Lunch: Irish "banger and mash" with some sauerkraut
Snack: orange, a handful of pecans
Dinner: freezer dinner of Pad Thai, baked sweet potato
Snack: small bowl of cereal
4/11/11
Breakfast: plain yogurt with nuts, raisins, apple, ginger and 1 fried egg
Snack: homemade blackberry pancake
Lunch: tostada w/ lentil-veggie topping. Walnuts and raisins. I did not need the walnuts and raisins. I have stopped. I have also not gone to the cabinet to stick my hand in the cracker or cereal box like I very much want to. Snack in 3 hours...
Snack: handful of crackers and peanuts, a couple of bites of apple
Dinner: last of the turkey meatballs with veggies and rice, mashed potatoes
Friday, April 8, 2011
4/8/11
Breakfast: scrambled egg with onion, 1 blackberry pecan pancake
Snack: apple with almond butter
Lunch: green salad, 4 leftover meatballs
It's just 1:30, and I'm feeling like maybe I'm hungry again. As I said before, I am trying to re-set my brain to make sure I am actually physically hungry before I eat. So, I'm waiting for snack time (2:45 at the earliest). I had an epiphany this morning that I have been in "grazing" mode for so long that I actually haven't let my body get physically hungry many times in the past year and a half. As a result of that, several times in the past few days, I've thought, "Hey! I'm hungry!" and I experience automatic mild indignation followed by STRONG impulse to pop something in my mouth. It occurred to me that hungry is kind of a natural feeling, and that I could probably remain in that hunger state for 15 to 30 minutes before eating something. It's usually not long until a meal or snack time. I'm hoping that building the new habits of mindfulness and God-centeredness will eventually replace the habit of "Pop goes the cracker!"
Snack: apple with almond butter
Lunch: green salad, 4 leftover meatballs
It's just 1:30, and I'm feeling like maybe I'm hungry again. As I said before, I am trying to re-set my brain to make sure I am actually physically hungry before I eat. So, I'm waiting for snack time (2:45 at the earliest). I had an epiphany this morning that I have been in "grazing" mode for so long that I actually haven't let my body get physically hungry many times in the past year and a half. As a result of that, several times in the past few days, I've thought, "Hey! I'm hungry!" and I experience automatic mild indignation followed by STRONG impulse to pop something in my mouth. It occurred to me that hungry is kind of a natural feeling, and that I could probably remain in that hunger state for 15 to 30 minutes before eating something. It's usually not long until a meal or snack time. I'm hoping that building the new habits of mindfulness and God-centeredness will eventually replace the habit of "Pop goes the cracker!"
4/7/11
Breakfast: 1 fried egg, beet turnover
Snack: apple with almond butter
Lunch: veggie wrap
Snack: plain yogurt with pear, walnuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, ginger
Snack: Hungry! various bites of veggies while fixing dinner
Dinner: spaghetti with turkey meatballs. Yum! I surprised myself with how good the improvised homemade meatballs were. I chalk it up to the thyme. I dropped in way more than I meant to. But they were spectacular. I did go back for a couple more after dinner though I had had seconds and I was full. This is my first failure to follow my food plan to the letter. Boo.
I was struggling with knowing that I was not going to get an after-dinner snack, and I was very tired and also worried that I might get hungry again before bed. Not making excuses, just knowing where my weakness was/is. Am ever mindful that my rules may need to change, especially to account for nursing. But I am trying hard to re-set to make sure I am actually physically hungry before I eat. This necessitates actually feeling hungry from time to time, a feeling that I haven't felt since...
Snack: apple with almond butter
Lunch: veggie wrap
Snack: plain yogurt with pear, walnuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, ginger
Snack: Hungry! various bites of veggies while fixing dinner
Dinner: spaghetti with turkey meatballs. Yum! I surprised myself with how good the improvised homemade meatballs were. I chalk it up to the thyme. I dropped in way more than I meant to. But they were spectacular. I did go back for a couple more after dinner though I had had seconds and I was full. This is my first failure to follow my food plan to the letter. Boo.
I was struggling with knowing that I was not going to get an after-dinner snack, and I was very tired and also worried that I might get hungry again before bed. Not making excuses, just knowing where my weakness was/is. Am ever mindful that my rules may need to change, especially to account for nursing. But I am trying hard to re-set to make sure I am actually physically hungry before I eat. This necessitates actually feeling hungry from time to time, a feeling that I haven't felt since...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
4/6/11
Ugh. Cora is apparently having a rough spell with teething or growing or both. I wound up half-snoozing with her on me on the couch from 11 PM to 3 AM. Finally, I was able to put her in her own bed. Ugh. We'll see how well I can maintain resolve today. I am on a roll, but I also know how easy it is to slide into thinking things are going well because I am strong. THAT won't last. At some point, we're going to have to bridge that gap where I have to turn my cravings toward God and rely on his strength.
Breakfast: fried egg, plain yogurt with apple, walnuts, raisins, sunflower seeds, ginger
11 AM: a couple of apple slices (too busy)
"Just how irresistable is Kellogg's Crunchy Nut? You won't want to wait until morning to eat it." I was just trying to check out the eagle cam online while feeding Cora, and I was subjected to this commercial where the guy is working on his computer late on a rainy night (yep, I can totally relate), he thinks about this Crunchy Nut cereal, and he hops up, grabs the box, heads to his car, boards a plane (on which he snuggles with the box of cereal), and winds up on a sunrise beach somewhere oriental looking, and the announcer quips, "It's morning somewhere!" Dude, this has been me so many times (sans plane and Japanese sunrise). I'm okay (it's almost lunch-time anyway), but what a culture we have developed for ourselves...
Lunch: another stuffed soft taco: whole grain tortilla with beans, chicken, various veggies, sour cream. I. Love. Leftovers. !!
Snack: Okay, I snacked more than once. I had some apple. And then I got hungry again. Legitimately hungry. So I ate some chunks of beets and avocado that I was preparing for/feeding Cora.
Dinner: homemade eggrolls, homemade beet/apple turnovers, snow peas
I. Want. To. EAT! And I'm not at all hungry. There are two extra eggrolls and 3 turnovers sitting out in the kitchen. In weeks past, I would have popped at least some of both in my mouth each time I walked by for the couple of hours after dinner. Here is where the battle is for sure. Pull out the verses. Recite: Made for more. Made for more. Made for more. I'm so tired, and I could just escape to bed, except the bed is covered with piles of stuff I had moved from the sewing machine table so I could work on a project this afternoon. I'm going to make a cup of tea, finish the project, redistribute the piles, and go to bed. And hopefully sleep more than last night. Oh God, Jesus, I crave you! Help me turn my eyes from the quick fix to the Real Way to fill my soul.
Daily food plan:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water. No eating after 8:30 PM.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
Breakfast: fried egg, plain yogurt with apple, walnuts, raisins, sunflower seeds, ginger
11 AM: a couple of apple slices (too busy)
"Just how irresistable is Kellogg's Crunchy Nut? You won't want to wait until morning to eat it." I was just trying to check out the eagle cam online while feeding Cora, and I was subjected to this commercial where the guy is working on his computer late on a rainy night (yep, I can totally relate), he thinks about this Crunchy Nut cereal, and he hops up, grabs the box, heads to his car, boards a plane (on which he snuggles with the box of cereal), and winds up on a sunrise beach somewhere oriental looking, and the announcer quips, "It's morning somewhere!" Dude, this has been me so many times (sans plane and Japanese sunrise). I'm okay (it's almost lunch-time anyway), but what a culture we have developed for ourselves...
Lunch: another stuffed soft taco: whole grain tortilla with beans, chicken, various veggies, sour cream. I. Love. Leftovers. !!
Snack: Okay, I snacked more than once. I had some apple. And then I got hungry again. Legitimately hungry. So I ate some chunks of beets and avocado that I was preparing for/feeding Cora.
Dinner: homemade eggrolls, homemade beet/apple turnovers, snow peas
I. Want. To. EAT! And I'm not at all hungry. There are two extra eggrolls and 3 turnovers sitting out in the kitchen. In weeks past, I would have popped at least some of both in my mouth each time I walked by for the couple of hours after dinner. Here is where the battle is for sure. Pull out the verses. Recite: Made for more. Made for more. Made for more. I'm so tired, and I could just escape to bed, except the bed is covered with piles of stuff I had moved from the sewing machine table so I could work on a project this afternoon. I'm going to make a cup of tea, finish the project, redistribute the piles, and go to bed. And hopefully sleep more than last night. Oh God, Jesus, I crave you! Help me turn my eyes from the quick fix to the Real Way to fill my soul.
Daily food plan:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water. No eating after 8:30 PM.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
4/5/11
Breakfast: fried egg, 1.5 pancakes
8:30: The plate of leftover pancakes next to the stove is calling my name. I am steadfastly ignoring it.
8:43: I think I may need to just repeatedly read Made to Crave over and over for the rest of my life. Thank you, Lysa Terkeurst, and thank you, God. Every sentence is true and encouraging. Here's what I just read: "It is good for God's people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation. Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for...Moment by moment we have the choice to live in our own strength and risk failure or to reach across the gap and grab hold of God's unwavering strength." Drinking a big glass of water to that!
Snack #1: carrot sticks and hummus
Snack #2: Errands started late and ran longer than expected, so I had a few nuts and dried cherries at noon before entering the grocery store. Still wound up spending $80. sigh. Ate a few more nuts and cherries at 1 PM on the drive home. Feel fine about the extra snacking, as lunch was so super late.
Lunch: chard salad with rotisserie chicken, carrots, red onions, ranch dressing
Snack: don't remember? It's now the next day as I write this, so it's all a blur. I know that I succeeded in not getting into the crackers, chips, or cereal all day. Whoop!
Dinner: 3 eggrolls, half piece pizza, half a pancake. I was very satisfied with this amount of food. Everything was homemade from scratch except the actual wrappers for the eggrolls and no sugar. I ate slowly until I was satisfied.
Snack: half glass champagne to celebrate a friend's accomplishment! Do I have to count this to my evening snack tally? I guess it counts as a girlie drink. sigh.
Many thanks to Julie R. for your sweet reminder to take care of myself and *change the rules* as necessary, especially since I'm nursing. I will definitely do so as seems healthy. The hard thing is that I have gotten in the habit of thinking I'm hungry all the time. I think it started with my first pregnancy, which I definitely used as an excuse to "live it up" and eat all the time. So now I'm not ever sure, especially in the evenings, whether I'm actually hungry or if I'm just wanting to be hungry as an excuse to snack. I have read that the brains (or stomachs?) of chronic over-eaters get to a point where they don't recognize real hungry as distinguished from psychological craving. I want to be strict for at least a few more days to kind of reset my brain to know when hunger is real.
8:30: The plate of leftover pancakes next to the stove is calling my name. I am steadfastly ignoring it.
8:43: I think I may need to just repeatedly read Made to Crave over and over for the rest of my life. Thank you, Lysa Terkeurst, and thank you, God. Every sentence is true and encouraging. Here's what I just read: "It is good for God's people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation. Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for...Moment by moment we have the choice to live in our own strength and risk failure or to reach across the gap and grab hold of God's unwavering strength." Drinking a big glass of water to that!
Snack #1: carrot sticks and hummus
Snack #2: Errands started late and ran longer than expected, so I had a few nuts and dried cherries at noon before entering the grocery store. Still wound up spending $80. sigh. Ate a few more nuts and cherries at 1 PM on the drive home. Feel fine about the extra snacking, as lunch was so super late.
Lunch: chard salad with rotisserie chicken, carrots, red onions, ranch dressing
Snack: don't remember? It's now the next day as I write this, so it's all a blur. I know that I succeeded in not getting into the crackers, chips, or cereal all day. Whoop!
Dinner: 3 eggrolls, half piece pizza, half a pancake. I was very satisfied with this amount of food. Everything was homemade from scratch except the actual wrappers for the eggrolls and no sugar. I ate slowly until I was satisfied.
Snack: half glass champagne to celebrate a friend's accomplishment! Do I have to count this to my evening snack tally? I guess it counts as a girlie drink. sigh.
Many thanks to Julie R. for your sweet reminder to take care of myself and *change the rules* as necessary, especially since I'm nursing. I will definitely do so as seems healthy. The hard thing is that I have gotten in the habit of thinking I'm hungry all the time. I think it started with my first pregnancy, which I definitely used as an excuse to "live it up" and eat all the time. So now I'm not ever sure, especially in the evenings, whether I'm actually hungry or if I'm just wanting to be hungry as an excuse to snack. I have read that the brains (or stomachs?) of chronic over-eaters get to a point where they don't recognize real hungry as distinguished from psychological craving. I want to be strict for at least a few more days to kind of reset my brain to know when hunger is real.
Monday, April 4, 2011
4/4/11
Monday, April 4, 2011
B: Fried egg, 1/2 sourdough English muffin, kale
10 AM: apple slices w/ almond butter
L: bean/veggie/chicken/rice soft taco
3 PM: apple slices
D: pork chop (sadly over-cooked), cooked kale, butternut squash
8:20: plain yogurt with pear, walnuts, raisins, and Great Grains cereal
About 30 minutes after breakfast (and after at least 3 spurned urges to return to the kitchen for another English muffin or piece of bread or something...), I started feeling slightly nauseated and had a bit of a metallic taste in my mouth. It was like a faint hint of how it feels to fast. I wonder if just the 24 hours of minor decrease (major?) in my sugar and starch intake could be causing this?
The "fast-ish" feelings faded throughout the day. After lunch, the compulsion to go back for more was SO strong. I nursed Cora, feeling incredibly hungry as I sat in the rocking chair. Normally, I'd follow up *lunch proper* with a handful (or 4) of cereal, or on my worst days, a couple (or 4) cookies. I had just finished eating a quite-big-enough soft taco, so I kept thinking "I can't possibly already be hungry!" And when I stood up, put Cora in bed, and walked around for a minute, I realized that indeed I wasn't actually hungry anymore. I believe it's a testament to how deeply ingrained my habits are that I felt so physically driven to eat more immediately after finishing my meal.
In the strictness of this plan, I have become conscious of just how often I usually pop bites into my mouth. I've been finishing off Isaac's leftovers, tossing back a few handfuls of cheerios when I give Cora some, munching a handful of nuts, etc. almost continuously throughout each day!
This is so hard. At the end of today, I do feel a grim satisfaction that a good work is happening in me. I'm also a little crestfallen that I only have two after-dinner snacks coming to me in the next 5 days. Evening is a really hard time of the day for me--I'm super pooped, put out about the mess of a house, stressed about being ready for the next day. I have been using prayer when I'm craving food to try to replace the desire for food with a focus on God. I'm going to be praying hard soon.
I did drink a LOT of water today. Super thirsty and wondering if my body is flushing some processed-sugar toxins?
K
Daily food plan:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
B: Fried egg, 1/2 sourdough English muffin, kale
10 AM: apple slices w/ almond butter
L: bean/veggie/chicken/rice soft taco
3 PM: apple slices
D: pork chop (sadly over-cooked), cooked kale, butternut squash
8:20: plain yogurt with pear, walnuts, raisins, and Great Grains cereal
About 30 minutes after breakfast (and after at least 3 spurned urges to return to the kitchen for another English muffin or piece of bread or something...), I started feeling slightly nauseated and had a bit of a metallic taste in my mouth. It was like a faint hint of how it feels to fast. I wonder if just the 24 hours of minor decrease (major?) in my sugar and starch intake could be causing this?
The "fast-ish" feelings faded throughout the day. After lunch, the compulsion to go back for more was SO strong. I nursed Cora, feeling incredibly hungry as I sat in the rocking chair. Normally, I'd follow up *lunch proper* with a handful (or 4) of cereal, or on my worst days, a couple (or 4) cookies. I had just finished eating a quite-big-enough soft taco, so I kept thinking "I can't possibly already be hungry!" And when I stood up, put Cora in bed, and walked around for a minute, I realized that indeed I wasn't actually hungry anymore. I believe it's a testament to how deeply ingrained my habits are that I felt so physically driven to eat more immediately after finishing my meal.
In the strictness of this plan, I have become conscious of just how often I usually pop bites into my mouth. I've been finishing off Isaac's leftovers, tossing back a few handfuls of cheerios when I give Cora some, munching a handful of nuts, etc. almost continuously throughout each day!
This is so hard. At the end of today, I do feel a grim satisfaction that a good work is happening in me. I'm also a little crestfallen that I only have two after-dinner snacks coming to me in the next 5 days. Evening is a really hard time of the day for me--I'm super pooped, put out about the mess of a house, stressed about being ready for the next day. I have been using prayer when I'm craving food to try to replace the desire for food with a focus on God. I'm going to be praying hard soon.
I did drink a LOT of water today. Super thirsty and wondering if my body is flushing some processed-sugar toxins?
K
Daily food plan:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
4/3/11
April 3, 2011
B: one chunk egg casserole, 1/2 tomato basil english muffin
10:30: yogurt w/ sunflower seeds, raisins, pear and walnuts, grated ginger
L: stuffed full (prob 2 tacos worth of filling) bean/rice/red pepper soft taco on whole grain tortilla
3:30: apple with almond butter
Dinner: chicken leg and a couple of slices of chicken breast, sauteed kale, 1/4 cup potatoes and broccoli
Dessert: Great Grains cereal w/ yogurt, pecans and raisins
Daily goal:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
B: one chunk egg casserole, 1/2 tomato basil english muffin
10:30: yogurt w/ sunflower seeds, raisins, pear and walnuts, grated ginger
L: stuffed full (prob 2 tacos worth of filling) bean/rice/red pepper soft taco on whole grain tortilla
3:30: apple with almond butter
Dinner: chicken leg and a couple of slices of chicken breast, sauteed kale, 1/4 cup potatoes and broccoli
Dessert: Great Grains cereal w/ yogurt, pecans and raisins
Daily goal:
3 reasonably sized meals
1 morning snack at 10:30 optional
1 afternoon snack at 3:30 optional
1 post-dinner "dessert" 4 days a week. Dessert = fruit mix, yogurt mess, granola, or a "girlie drink" (Bailey's)
Overall:
No Processed Sugar. Limit grains in general. Stick to whole grains that are not wheat to keep sugar cravings under control. Snacks should mostly be fruits and veggies. Drink lots of water.
Portion control is not so much of a concern since I'm still nursing Cora. I'm more focused on frequency of eating and duration; I can drag a meal out for a couple of hours going back for one more bite every 10 minutes or tacking on a piece of bread or bowl of cereal as an "extension" of a meal.
Beginning Again
Okay, y'all. Here is attempt number 3175-ish to control my food cravings. Fact is I've been struggling with this for years. I remember a day years ago when I was in my car, reflecting on a conversation I had just had with a friend in which she revealed her history of bulimia. I wondered to myself what it must be like to suffer from a food disorder. And it was like a switch clicked in my brain, and I've struggled with food ever since. Sounds dumb, but regardless of that, it's true.
I've just started reading my sister's copy of Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst, and I have decided it's time to do something about this. Again. My problem: Minute by minute obsession with munching, highlighted with phases of drastic sugar abuse (I really can't/don't stop once I get started) set between phases of chin-in-the-air self-imposed elimination of processed sugar from my diet.
I do not want to confront this monster. I don't want to deny myself. Bible verses about "deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me" turn me WAAAAAYYYY off. But. This Food Craving Monster is standing between me and a closer relationship with God. And I hate THAT more than my food obsession. I've been relying on food when I'm sad or stressed, I've been celebrating with food when I'm happy or silly, instead of relying on and praising the God of the universe! So, very reluctantly, I'm stepping into these cold unpleasant waters of self-denial, with my eyes on the promise of greater closeness with my Creator.
I can't pretend that there isn't an attraction to the idea of getting back into a few favorite items in my wardrobe and saving money (probably $5 to $10 a week) usually spent on food I don't need to eat. But these motivators by themselves have only worked very temporarily for me in the past. I have realized through extensive trial and Error that the self-imposed restrictions and gimmicks I've come up with in the past just don't create lasting change in my habits. I'm hoping to use this journey as a way to become more reliant on my Savior and less (shudder--this is scary) reliant on myself.
Anyway, to get to the main point of this post, one of Lysa's thoughts in Made to Crave is that "desperation breeds degradation," and she highly recommends finding some friends to help speak rationality to you when you experience anxiety caused by changing habits and making sacrifices. She points to the story of Jacob and Esau--with Esau giving up his birthright for some stew and bread--as an example of desperation breeding degradation, and her point was that if Esau had had a friend around to encourage him to wait and speak reason to him in his hunger, he might have controlled his impulses. (Just the idea that I've been behaving like Esau every day--giving up a much greater long-lasting Good for another handful of crackers (but they're whole-grain!) --helps me know I'm on the right track!)
So...if you are reading this, I am inviting you into my world of impulse and irrationality and mess to help be a rock of rationality and encouragement. Just the fact of you reading this--actually the fact of me knowing the potentiality of you reading this--is going to be a help.
I am going to simply record what I eat each day, and I appreciate you just reading and keeping vigil with me as I press forward. I will appreciate your encouragement and/or constructive criticism, a spot in your prayers from time to time, and ANY Bible verse you can respond with for the cause, but please don't feel pressured to spend any more than 30 seconds every two or three days just reading.
If you feel specially called to journey alongside me on a quest of defeating your own cravings, please let me know. I'd love a partner or two!
Thanks so much in advance for your help! Much to love to all of you.
I've just started reading my sister's copy of Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst, and I have decided it's time to do something about this. Again. My problem: Minute by minute obsession with munching, highlighted with phases of drastic sugar abuse (I really can't/don't stop once I get started) set between phases of chin-in-the-air self-imposed elimination of processed sugar from my diet.
I do not want to confront this monster. I don't want to deny myself. Bible verses about "deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me" turn me WAAAAAYYYY off. But. This Food Craving Monster is standing between me and a closer relationship with God. And I hate THAT more than my food obsession. I've been relying on food when I'm sad or stressed, I've been celebrating with food when I'm happy or silly, instead of relying on and praising the God of the universe! So, very reluctantly, I'm stepping into these cold unpleasant waters of self-denial, with my eyes on the promise of greater closeness with my Creator.
I can't pretend that there isn't an attraction to the idea of getting back into a few favorite items in my wardrobe and saving money (probably $5 to $10 a week) usually spent on food I don't need to eat. But these motivators by themselves have only worked very temporarily for me in the past. I have realized through extensive trial and Error that the self-imposed restrictions and gimmicks I've come up with in the past just don't create lasting change in my habits. I'm hoping to use this journey as a way to become more reliant on my Savior and less (shudder--this is scary) reliant on myself.
Anyway, to get to the main point of this post, one of Lysa's thoughts in Made to Crave is that "desperation breeds degradation," and she highly recommends finding some friends to help speak rationality to you when you experience anxiety caused by changing habits and making sacrifices. She points to the story of Jacob and Esau--with Esau giving up his birthright for some stew and bread--as an example of desperation breeding degradation, and her point was that if Esau had had a friend around to encourage him to wait and speak reason to him in his hunger, he might have controlled his impulses. (Just the idea that I've been behaving like Esau every day--giving up a much greater long-lasting Good for another handful of crackers (but they're whole-grain!) --helps me know I'm on the right track!)
So...if you are reading this, I am inviting you into my world of impulse and irrationality and mess to help be a rock of rationality and encouragement. Just the fact of you reading this--actually the fact of me knowing the potentiality of you reading this--is going to be a help.
I am going to simply record what I eat each day, and I appreciate you just reading and keeping vigil with me as I press forward. I will appreciate your encouragement and/or constructive criticism, a spot in your prayers from time to time, and ANY Bible verse you can respond with for the cause, but please don't feel pressured to spend any more than 30 seconds every two or three days just reading.
If you feel specially called to journey alongside me on a quest of defeating your own cravings, please let me know. I'd love a partner or two!
Thanks so much in advance for your help! Much to love to all of you.
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